Some thoughts as of late....

The past two weeks have been eventful to say the least. School has started. We have now completed 2 weeks of school. And the girls completed their first dance class also. After being lazy practically all summer, it has been a shock to my body, to get up early everyday, get both girls ready, clothes, hair, breakfast, packing a lunch, and off to school at different times. Monday's are L O N G! They both have a dance class that night as well, an hour each, and not at the same time. We have to make sure we do our homework and eat dinner before we rush off to dance. I can feel myself tensing up just talking about it. I don't like to be rushed, or have plans on the books. I've gotten a bit complacent I guess. I need to step it up for my girls!! They need a Mom who is willing to spend time doing these things for them. And I am.

But then..... throw in the fact that in 6 weeks, I'm going to have a baby.

This past week, was very interesting. I think we had at least 3 things going on every single day. I ran around buying groceries, running errands, paying tuition, taking girls to dance, etc.. etc...

Pregnancy is NOT nice to me. Oh how I wish it were. There are women who can still do everything and anything while pregnant. I am just not one of those women. My family hasn't been able to vacation much this summer. I haven't been able to hike, or ride a bike, or run around with the girls. It's been very difficult. I mean, I too would like to have more fun! Lets face it, this summer has been down right boring!! My family deserves more. More than I can do right now. I'm sure this is going to seem like a very long winter, since none of us got our fill of summer. And I'm hoping we can make up for lost time next summer. And so we'll see. And I have been seeing a new Doctor this time. Oh, what can I say about that? She is nice, she is good, but I've had enough already!! Almost every time I walk out of an appointment, I feel bad. I feel old. I do NOT make a good sick person. In fact, I am very healthy. But apparently being 41 and pregnant to my Doctor, is like me saying I'm 80 and pregnant. Am I tempting fate? Come on, there are so many women older than me, having children. What's the deal? And so, she puts me through what I feel is craziness, because I am apparently SO OLD....

Yes, I admit, that this past week was stressful. Only the 2nd week of school. New activities, getting up early, and not getting to take a nap. My schedule is off. My blood pressure went up. My doctor thinks that from here on out, I have plenty of time for a 2 to 3 hour Doctors appt. every week, so that we can do a stress test on the baby each time, or an ultrasound, that costs me $40 a pop! At my last appt. on Thursday, I was admitted to the hospital, and got home about 4 hours later. Good thing Chris had the girls. Then I was instructed to pee in a bucket and save all of it, for 24 hours, and bring it back the next night, for another 2 hour hospital stay. All of it makes me worry. And that alone is not good for the blood pressure.

But, Friday night, before I headed back to the hospital, I had a nice talk with my mom. She too had to do the pee thing. Almost every week, when she was pregnant my little sister Camber. And there are many people who take the stress test. And it doesn't mean anything is wrong. Then she came over and watched the girls, so Chris could come spend a couple of hours with me at the hospital. Well, after talking to my mom, I felt so much better. And just having Chris with me, made me feel even that much better! And Friday night, my husband and I were able to have some of the best conversation we've had in a while. My blood pressure was normal, the baby was wonderful, and life felt good. We even got to hear the baby having some hiccups :)

I am starting to feel super huge! I can't sleep at night. I have to pee all the time. And I can barely tie my own shoes people! Only 6 more weeks to go. I hope I can make it. I have to make it. The only thing that might not make it, is my mental state. I need to cheer up!!! I'm having a baby :) It's been a long time since I've felt like myself. Oh I don't want to wish away time, but if there is ever a time when the next month can go by fast, this would be it. And I won't complain a bit!

This is the only time Chris and I can have a family. Here on earth! Yes, I'm older, but some of us get married older. Those are the cards I've been dealt. Time is almost up. What we sacrifice to have a family is so short compared to having these wonderful people in our lives forever! I can do this :) The time is NOW. There won't be another chance. And it's just so important. Yeah, being a mom is one of the hardest things I've ever done, but one of the BEST things I've ever done! Oh how I LOVE my children. Sometimes it hasn't been all fun and games getting them here, but so worth it!

Yes, tears are running down my cheeks as I write this. My spirits are a little bit down, but I'm hanging in there. In a few weeks, I'll have another beautiful baby, our family will be complete, and I can start on the road to recovery, and start feeling like myself again. I'll be able to exercise again.... Breathe again.... deep clean the house again.... Oh I can't wait! :)