Hello, has it really been two years?

I sort of forgot I even had this blog.

No one reads blogs anymore anyway.  

I'm doing this for me.  Kind of a journal for myself.  

Warning, if anyone is reading, this post is going to be a bit of a downer.  

A woah is ME post.  :) 

About a year ago, I wrote a post, but I think it's been at least 2 years since I've actually updated anything.  

The past two years, except for the last few months, have probably been the HARDEST two years of my entire life!  The most

stressful

sad

scary

lowly

poor

and some good....

I do have to say, that in that two years, I witnessed so many times, that my Heavenly Father sent us a miracle, or help, or life support!

Up until Chris got his new job about 3 months ago??  I stopped keeping track.  He had worked a total of 7 months out of the almost two years.  He was laid off, and lost his job twice!

And in that time, my Mom was being treated for her Cancer, Dad passed away, I had to go back to work after not working most of our married life, (which was so stressful), and we would drive my mother in law up (from Lehi) to help take care of the kids, when Chris had his second job, my eyes went crazy and I spent 5 months of almost weekly appointments trying to find the right prescription again, (probably from all the stress), and Chris found out his whole leg was filled with a huge blood clot from the top of his thigh, to his ankle, and some pulmonary embolisms were starting to form in his lungs.  Our Air Conditioner went out, which we couldn't pay the balance on.  

We didn't have health insurance, so Chris wasn't going to the Doctor.  If it weren't for my mom, telling us to go, and covering the medical expenses, I might not have my husband.  

Oh, I could go on.  It wasn't pretty.

I can't tell you how hard it is, to PRETEND to be happy, for your friends, family, kids, and ward members.  To get up every morning knowing that it was going to be more of the same thing, and to literally, be so tired, you couldn't do hardly anything, or didn't want to do anything, because for one, there was no money to do anything, and for two, I was depressed!  

I am a totally social person.  My favorite thing is to chat with friends, and hang out with people.

And all I wanted to do was HIDE.  

I did't even want to go to my own families functions.  It was hard.

And don't get me started on all the social media posts.  Watching everyone live their lives.  Go on fabulous Vacations, eat out, and not get your food from the Bishops store house, etc.... 

The kids were on Free lunch at school.  We didn't have to pay for some of the fee's.  

Last Christmas, my kids names were on the Angel Tree's.  And most of their Christmas was bought my total strangers.  

Oh how grateful I am for that!!  And being on that side of things, I vowed that we would do that for someone else, when we are able!  What a blessing that is. 

Because when you have little ones that believe Santa can do just about anything, it's really hard to tell them otherwise.

But, enough of that!!  

I almost can't even think about it.  It wasn't a fun time. 

Now for the positive!!  Which, there was probably a lot more than I'd like to realize, but I was so busy being depressed, that it was sometimes hard to see it.

The Bishop's Store house!  Probably some of the BEST food there is!  And we always had plenty.  Never went without!  Hand me downs, from cousins.  Once in a while, a basket of things on the doorstep, or a card with money in it, both of which came from anonymous persons.  

The Angel Tree, and Bree's school counselors, who bought some Christmas for our girls.

My MOM!  Who paid our medical bills, so Chris could get better.  

A bonus check at one of the jobs Chris lost, that got us through another couple of months!  

And other little things here and there.  Just when we needed them.

What I have learned, is that you should always put money away for a rainy day.  Have food storage, extra money for living expenses, and emergencies.  Stay out of debt.  Have the least amount of payments going out each month as you can.  Stay off social media, and concentrate on your own family.  

Be kind to everyone.  They are all fighting their own battles, that you may not see on the outside, while trying to stay happy and positive on the outside.  

Even though Dad has been gone a year now, I still have moments where I break down, or get sad.  

I seriously don't like that part of life.  Thank goodness for eternal families, because even though I know I'll see him again soon, it doesn't make it any less hard. 

And now when someone looses a person close to them, or a parent, I know EXACTLY how they feel.

Donate your time and money when you can.  Find ways to lift someone else.  Take a name off the Angel Tree and buy someones else Christmas.  

Look for ways to make a difference in someone else life.

And although, we seem to be through the worst life has to offer, and on a happier track at the moment, there is a little bit of sadness left over.  

Part of me will never be the same.  

I guess that's just life.  And the experiences we have make us into who we are.

Good thing I had an amazing, supper happy Childhood!!  :)

Don't worry, I'm fine.  Just poor.  It will take a long long time to make up for the loss we have suffered.  I think it's time for me to let my social media go.  

Even though I intend to be happy about others success, fantastic trips, etc...  sometimes when you don't have much, it's hard to watch....  

And we shouldn't compare ourselves to others.  

There will always be people who have more than you, but there will always be people who have less.

It's all about perspective. 

And I have so much!