Hello, has it really been two years?

I sort of forgot I even had this blog.

No one reads blogs anymore anyway.  

I'm doing this for me.  Kind of a journal for myself.  

Warning, if anyone is reading, this post is going to be a bit of a downer.  

A woah is ME post.  :) 

About a year ago, I wrote a post, but I think it's been at least 2 years since I've actually updated anything.  

The past two years, except for the last few months, have probably been the HARDEST two years of my entire life!  The most

stressful

sad

scary

lowly

poor

and some good....

I do have to say, that in that two years, I witnessed so many times, that my Heavenly Father sent us a miracle, or help, or life support!

Up until Chris got his new job about 3 months ago??  I stopped keeping track.  He had worked a total of 7 months out of the almost two years.  He was laid off, and lost his job twice!

And in that time, my Mom was being treated for her Cancer, Dad passed away, I had to go back to work after not working most of our married life, (which was so stressful), and we would drive my mother in law up (from Lehi) to help take care of the kids, when Chris had his second job, my eyes went crazy and I spent 5 months of almost weekly appointments trying to find the right prescription again, (probably from all the stress), and Chris found out his whole leg was filled with a huge blood clot from the top of his thigh, to his ankle, and some pulmonary embolisms were starting to form in his lungs.  Our Air Conditioner went out, which we couldn't pay the balance on.  

We didn't have health insurance, so Chris wasn't going to the Doctor.  If it weren't for my mom, telling us to go, and covering the medical expenses, I might not have my husband.  

Oh, I could go on.  It wasn't pretty.

I can't tell you how hard it is, to PRETEND to be happy, for your friends, family, kids, and ward members.  To get up every morning knowing that it was going to be more of the same thing, and to literally, be so tired, you couldn't do hardly anything, or didn't want to do anything, because for one, there was no money to do anything, and for two, I was depressed!  

I am a totally social person.  My favorite thing is to chat with friends, and hang out with people.

And all I wanted to do was HIDE.  

I did't even want to go to my own families functions.  It was hard.

And don't get me started on all the social media posts.  Watching everyone live their lives.  Go on fabulous Vacations, eat out, and not get your food from the Bishops store house, etc.... 

The kids were on Free lunch at school.  We didn't have to pay for some of the fee's.  

Last Christmas, my kids names were on the Angel Tree's.  And most of their Christmas was bought my total strangers.  

Oh how grateful I am for that!!  And being on that side of things, I vowed that we would do that for someone else, when we are able!  What a blessing that is. 

Because when you have little ones that believe Santa can do just about anything, it's really hard to tell them otherwise.

But, enough of that!!  

I almost can't even think about it.  It wasn't a fun time. 

Now for the positive!!  Which, there was probably a lot more than I'd like to realize, but I was so busy being depressed, that it was sometimes hard to see it.

The Bishop's Store house!  Probably some of the BEST food there is!  And we always had plenty.  Never went without!  Hand me downs, from cousins.  Once in a while, a basket of things on the doorstep, or a card with money in it, both of which came from anonymous persons.  

The Angel Tree, and Bree's school counselors, who bought some Christmas for our girls.

My MOM!  Who paid our medical bills, so Chris could get better.  

A bonus check at one of the jobs Chris lost, that got us through another couple of months!  

And other little things here and there.  Just when we needed them.

What I have learned, is that you should always put money away for a rainy day.  Have food storage, extra money for living expenses, and emergencies.  Stay out of debt.  Have the least amount of payments going out each month as you can.  Stay off social media, and concentrate on your own family.  

Be kind to everyone.  They are all fighting their own battles, that you may not see on the outside, while trying to stay happy and positive on the outside.  

Even though Dad has been gone a year now, I still have moments where I break down, or get sad.  

I seriously don't like that part of life.  Thank goodness for eternal families, because even though I know I'll see him again soon, it doesn't make it any less hard. 

And now when someone looses a person close to them, or a parent, I know EXACTLY how they feel.

Donate your time and money when you can.  Find ways to lift someone else.  Take a name off the Angel Tree and buy someones else Christmas.  

Look for ways to make a difference in someone else life.

And although, we seem to be through the worst life has to offer, and on a happier track at the moment, there is a little bit of sadness left over.  

Part of me will never be the same.  

I guess that's just life.  And the experiences we have make us into who we are.

Good thing I had an amazing, supper happy Childhood!!  :)

Don't worry, I'm fine.  Just poor.  It will take a long long time to make up for the loss we have suffered.  I think it's time for me to let my social media go.  

Even though I intend to be happy about others success, fantastic trips, etc...  sometimes when you don't have much, it's hard to watch....  

And we shouldn't compare ourselves to others.  

There will always be people who have more than you, but there will always be people who have less.

It's all about perspective. 

And I have so much! 

A Speech for my Dad

My speech....

At the time of my Dad's funeral 3 months ago, I just knew I couldn't speak at the funeral.  

I mean, I had moments of strength, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to pull myself together enough to get up in front of a huge group of people, and talked about my Dad.

It's too personal.  

I cry too much!

I don't do public speeches

and the list goes on.....  

The morning of his funeral however, I was thinking that I just might raise my hand, and go up and say a few words before it was over.  Though I never did, some thoughts ran through my head all morning.  The speech I guess I would have given, had I been able to.

I've promised to write this stuff down, and time is going by, so here it is.  I'm 

taking the time to get this down on paper!!

My Dad was a TEACHER.

Yes,  My Dad taught high school Math for a living.  He also coached several, if not every single sport known to man.  At school, and at home.

Not just his chosen profession, but he spent his whole life teaching everyone around him.  

So, if I had to describe him in one word, it would be TEACHER.

Like that time that Dad wanted to teach my sister Jen and I about NOT smoking.

We were young, and he took us to his school.  There was a machine there.  Well, sort of like a glass box and inside was a bunch of white cotton stuff, like cotton balls, or the stuffing for a quilt.

He lit a cigarette, and the smoke filled the box making the stuffing black.  And he talked to us about how we don't smoke, and these are the reasons why.

We swam a lot.  Dad was the swim coach at BenLomond.  I remember asking him to teach me how to swim laps.  Real laps, where you get to the end of the pool, and you go under, turn, and kick off the wall laps, just like real swimmers do.  He had taught me all the strokes, before.  And so, he taught me how to turn at the end of a lap and keep going.

I LOVE to Swim!!!!!

Or like that time, that he taught me how to drive.

He told me that you never make big corrections.  You never turn the wheel very much.  Every adjustment is just so tiny and slight.  

And when you are coming into a turn, you brake to slow down, and when you are turning, you take your foot off the break, and coast through the turn, and then when you are coming out of that turn, you put your foot on the gas, to pull out of it, and keep going.

And he would come home after teaching all day, and help me with my Math homework.

I hated math, but he was patient, even though I wasn't very nice about it, and sit with me in the basement office, and teach me how to do my math assignments.

He had a way of explaining everything step by step and in complete detail.  

So you could picture the whole process start to finish in your mind.  Like detailed instructions.

He was very good at giving all the details in order, so you could learn.

Coach B....I mean Dad, taught me about every sport.  He played catch with me, told me the rules of golf, and the in's and out's of football.  As he has done for all 5 of his children.

I could probably be and announcer for the NFL.  When I'm watching the games, I'll make a comment, and then the announcer says the very same thing I just said, right after I've said it. 

Yes, my Dad is a Teacher.

And when I was going through my photos and video, to help make Dad's slide show for the viewing, I found a cute little video I had taken just the summer before. 

Dad and my daughter Elle were in the Pool at East Canyon. 

Dad was teaching Elle how to swim Laps.  

He was standing in the pool beside her showing her each movement, and explaining, as he does, step by step.  As you Push your hand forward, and turn your head to the side, the water moves, so you can take a breath.  Your other arm comes up the side of your body, and takes it's place, while your legs are kicking, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, ......1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.  

He never leaves anything out.  

That summer day, Elle was just swimming with her grandpa.  Getting some fun instruction, so she would be able to swim better.  

Little did she know, she was special, getting personal swim lessons from Coach Belnap!

Even as a grandpa, he couldn't help, but to Teach his grandchildren.

And on a personal note, when I was living at home and dating, my dad had a habit of staying up late nights watching T.V.  I pretty much knew that when I got home he would be sitting in his chair watching something, or sleeping.  

Pretty much every time I would get home from a date, or just being out with friends, I would go see Dad, and give him a kiss on his cheek, and tell him goodnight, before I would head down stairs to my room.  I guess on one particular occasion, I was in a rush, and came in and ran down stairs.  

Dad was concerned that maybe I had done something I wasn't proud of, because he knew I had been out with a boy, and I hadn't kissed him goodnight.  

So he mentioned it to Mom and she told me about it.  Of course, I assured her that everything was fine, and that on a whim, I must have forgotten to kiss Dad goodnight.  

From that time on, I always made sure to let my Dad know that I was home, say goodnight, and kiss him on the cheek before heading off to bed.  

I thought it was cute, that my Dad missed our goodnight ritual.  

But it was probably more like he was worried about me.

Dad would give you the shirt off his back!

He was always doing things for us kids.  

One time, I wanted to go camping in the Tetons with a girlfriend.  

We had another friend who was working at a lodge in the Tetons, and we wanted to camp up there and visit her.  But my friends parents wouldn't let us go, unless she could sleep somewhere that had a locking door at night.

My Dad let me take his truck and camper on a few days trip to the Tetons.  

I can't believe I drove them up there all by myself with my girlfriend along, as probably an 18 or 19 year old.  But my Dad always let us use his stuff.  

He was always sharing with us.  

Yes, my Dad always did so much for his children.  

And, you know what I'm going to say next......

He was a TEACHER!

A New Roof!

Our house has been leaking for a while.

We have tried to solve the problem with patches.

We've had

 the roofers out a few times, but nothing has worked.

So, now we are getting a whole new Roof!!

A New Roof, Facia, Sofet, and Rain Gutters!

And new Porch Railing!

Once they started working, we found out that the roof was probably a home done job.  

There were places where they hadn't finished things, and there were to facia and soffet at all.

And missing rain gutters etc... 

Well, it was time to get it done right!

They stripped off 2 layers and started from scratch!

Elizabeth, one of Chris' co-workers hooked us up with an amazing contractor friend of hers!

I really grew to like these guys!  

They did an amazing job!  

And the contractor even had a person he worked with that did the Facia and soffet and another who did the rain gutters.  

So he hooked us up with them.

I mean, everything turned out so great!

And the Main contractor, who we did our roof through, managed the others and it was all done 

at once, and so fast, and really well!

I talked to them everyday when they were here and grew to love them.  I know crazy!

So when they were done, I bought them a basket of goodies from Great Harvest, to show my appreciation for the work that had been done!

And when they were done, and gone, I actually missed seeing them.

Here it is....

Our house looks so much better!!!!

And, No water.  Which is obviously the bottom line.  

Then the new Railing...

A different company.  But we got to pick everything out.

The color, the style,

Hammered Rails, The extra top piece.

Where it would stop at the bottom.

I like it.

We were always missing the short rail, on the highest side of the porch, which was the most dangerous, and now I feel like no one is going to get hurt by falling off.

Well, this post is long, and I posted lots of pics...

But the whole experience was amazing, and I can't tell you how much I LOVE everything  that was done!  

I stuck a jar of my homemade grape Jelly in the basket also.

And when the contractors came back to check on things a week later, they said that it was better than the Jam in the basket from great harvest.

Well....yeah, I could have told you that!

he..he..